Passion Fruit Writing: Exercise 2, Day 2

Week Two: Tiny Changes Create a New Reality.

Did you do something to your bedroom yesterday to make it more beautiful?

I enjoy the movies Nora Ephron writes and I was pleased to see her interviewed in Vogue magazine last fall (it was to promote her new movie, but I don’t remember the title.) Anyway, she said that our purses, in some way, reflect ourselves.

So true…scary, but true!

I’m not asking you to change your purse, although you may want to organize it, but do realize the permanent impact your surroundings have on you. Beauty, however you define it, nourishes your soul and spirit. It rejuvenates you and restores you.

Many of my mentors teach this truth: Julia Cameron, Alexandra Stoddard, Cheryl Richards. And my mother has always lived this so I was blessed to grow up amidst incredible taste and beauty.

And among the many talents I inherited from my mother, her knack for arranging things, coordinating colors and finding incredible home furnishings is not among them. So I can do little things to my surroundings; I need help for the big arrangements and decisions. Fortunately, my sister is a gifted stylist.

Almost 2 years ago a friend gave me an old sofa and I had it recovered. My communication with the upholsterer was so bad (plus I allowed Miss Prudence to make the fabric choice) that I couldn’t stand the sofa after it arrived. We put it out on the street within 15 minutes of its arriving. With no shortage of tears, I realized that the free sofa itself was not beautiful to me; you could even say it was heinously ugly, and my fear of spending money led to a disastrous choice of fabric. Live and learn – the college boys across the street were delighted.

It’s better to admit you dislike something and get rid of it than to punish yourself into eternity by living with a poor design choice.

Writing about and refining your ideas about what is beautiful to you is a permanent process. And a fun one. I like to cut out pictures from magazines of things that appeal to me and post them in my journal. I also have a bunch of lovely pictures on my vision board. You might want to start this practice.

For your journal writing today, I want you to clarify for yourself what beauty means. Not that you’ll do this in 15 minutes, but you can make a great start. Here is one approach and I’ll post another tomorrow:

Free write about things you find beautiful and things you find tacky. Recall past moments of being so impressed by the beauty of a room or a garden, or perhaps a quilt.

We’d love to hear what you think.

Passion Fruit Writing, Exercise 2, Day 1

Week Two: Tiny Changes Create a New Reality.

Writing about people helps us to understand them, and understanding them helps us to accept them as part of ourselves.

– Alice Walker

Writing is a voice that calls us from dreams, that peeks out of the corner of our eyes when we think no one is looking, the longing that breaks our hearts even when we think we should be happiest, and to which we cannot give a name.

–Judy Collins

When we think of transforming our lives for the better, we often go off thinking of the HUGE changes we’d like to experience, the losing 25 pounds, the mansion, the new luxury car. While writing out these big goals is fun and helps you get focused on a direction to take, sometimes you can feel stuck because achieving big projects like these usually takes a lot of time, usually years.

Why not think of some things you can do right now, this week? Write a heading like ” TINY CHANGES” and we’ll go step-by-step into several areas of your life where you can enjoy tweaking your reality to make it better, now.

Now, while I’m going to suggest different categories for your tiny changes, DON’T BE LIMITED by these. They’re suggestions based on my work with clients and in my own life.

Any time I feel stuck, I make a “ Tiny Changes” list. The last time I did it was early December, and I got 10 of these done within 10 days. That was fun!

The first time I made this list, I decided buying new sheets for my bed was important to me, even though my inner Miss Prudence reminded me that there was absolutely nothing wrong with the sheets I owned. They had no holes or stains. But they were several years old, and were the sheets I had shared with my husband. While I harbor no ill feelings toward him (most of the time,) I feel that getting new, high-thread-count sheets, was an important turning point for me in establishing my  new life.

What I refer to as “Miss Prudence” is my inner critic and you probably have one as well. She’s an important part of you, but she should not be driving the bus of your life all the time. When working with a coach, Miss Prudence often questions whether the coach’s suggestion is prudent or practical.

The job of the coach is to help you stretch into being the person you are meant to be. This worries Miss Prudence so you usually need to reassure her. When coach Christine and I discussed my future move, before I had decided on a destination, Christine mentioned that I didn’t have to have a job before moving. Miss Prudence was outraged at this idea. How can someone move to a new location without a job? While I did actually get a job that facilitated the move, Christine helped me see that it was not a necessary requirement.

Assignment for today:

What are 2 Tiny Changes you can make to your bedroom to make it more of a soul-nourishing, restful haven?

I would bet that you can benefit from getting more shut-eye, making your bedroom more inviting is one lateral way to do that. If you know feng shui, that might be a place to start.

In a recent Clarity + Confidence e-seminar, one client, we’ll call her Monica, decided to buy nice bedside lamps for her bedroom. She had never before allowed herself this luxury, and she was delighted with the change in the way she felt in her bedroom.

What 2 Tiny Changes can you make to your bedroom this week?

Here’s a link to Feng Shui friend Kathleen’s blog on….feng shui. Click here.

Passion Fruit Writing: Exercise 1, Day 6

This is the wrap up. You may be tired of thinking about movies and books and trying to connect all these dots.

That is fine. You may want to come back to this later. What you have, however, is extremely valuable information for you.

The thing is, you have to be willing to really see what is there. It may not be obvious. In fact, you may want to enlist the help of a dear friend. Most of the time, it’s easier to connect the dots for other people, than it is to see your own stuff.

You’ve put yourself in the director’s chair. Doesn’t that feel nice? The questions you want to answer for yourself are these:

1. What is it that I would like more of in my life?

2. What is it that I would like less of in my life?

3. What do I really like about my life as it is presently constituted?

4. What annoys me about my life as it is presently constituted?

5. What is really me?

Keep writing something, anything. The good stuff will come out eventually.

The next exercise is radically different from this one — shorter, to the point, highly practical. I think it’s best to start stirring things up with a meaty exercise like the one we’ve just worked through, and then enjoy the process of harvesting its fruit.

Passion Fruit Writing: Exercise 1, Day 5

 Congratulations! If you’re still with me, you’re doing fabulous work.

The writing exercise of this week has started a new chain of thinking in your mind. This is not a one-shot event, but a process that will continue as long as you continue to fine tune your life by leveraging your journal. It’s like being your own Life Coach.

 Here are the questions you’ve been writing about this week:

• Common factors across the stories you like.
• Specific elements that attract you to each story and its rendition.
• Characters with whom you identify.
• Qualities you admire in certain characters.
• Themes that permeate these stories.
• A description of yourself as a character in a story – an idealized you.
• Actress you would choose to portray your idealized self.

 There is a much valuable material in this for you. You’re identifying what you really want, NOT what you’re supposed to want. If you ask, your journal writing will tell you what your next steps are, and/or changes you can make to make your life more joyful.

This exercise is not about me, but I thought it would help you to read an example of how I’ve drawn out a sketch of myself through my childhood fascination with the move, The Sound of Music.

1. I love family. Love large families. The thing is, in my early twenties, I decided that having children would be too expensive and so I began to deny this desire  in order to be more practical. (Have you ever done this?) Eventually I was blessed with 3 children, and I designed my life so that I could spend the maximum amount of time with them. Even though my children are older now (the youngest is 11,) family drives my decisions.

This love of large families also explains part of my affinity for Latin American culture; my delight in living in Caracas.

2. I relish international living. I have an affinity for European flair and as a young child I taught myself words in other languages from my grandmother’s multilingual dictionary. A significant number of my friends are not U.S. citizens and my children are both bilingual and bi-cultural. Sometimes I am challenged to merge my international self with my Southern self — but I realize this is part of my essence and needs to be protected and nurtured.

3. I love music, especially chamber music. Fear not, I am not forming the Mixon-Rodriguez Family Singers like Maria von Trapp did. I am NO musician, but 2 of my 3 children are. Listening to them practice and perform brings me much joy and I like to give financial support to musical causes.

4. Succeeding when you’re not “qualified” fascinates me. Remember Maria had no governess training. Yet with her passion and love, she was able to bring those children together in the way no governess had been able. 

5. I love uniforms. Remember the clothes made from the drapes? I delight in all aspects of that anecdote — the creativity, the thrift, the unity and the audacity. I had golf shirts and sweatshirts designed for my children during the years we homeschooled (another success without qualifications story in itself.) I got a big kick out of wearing a uniform for the first time when I taught English at Merici Academy in Caracas. I use a stylist to help me put together a “uniform” so I can look chic (sort of) without making too many decisions.

Wow. Enough about me.

Are you thinking, “Doesn’t this woman realize that real life is not reflected in stories?” That’s what I would have thought myself not too long ago. In my desire to be practical and prudent, I gave not one iota of thought to this kind of exercise. For years, I would not give myself permission to fantasize about how I would really like to live.

What about you? Don’t worry, you don’t need to fully analyze your stories in one sitting; I hope this example helps you. The final part of this exercise will be using the information to set intentions in your own life.

Passion Fruit Writing: Exercise 1, Day 4

 Today is Mixonian’s 2nd birthday! Have a drink on us.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             

All right. Here’s what we’ve done so far:

1. List of “Favorite Stories,” organized the way you want, including movies, books, television, other.

2. Your favorite stories and characters from childhood.

3. Another list of “Things I Really Like about These Stories.”

4. Which characters do you really identify with?

5. What are the specific qualities that you find appealing in these characters?

Now, let’s do something kinda crazy.

Imagine that a screenwriter calls you up and wants to make a movie based on your real life. Except that they really jazz it up to make it more exciting and visual.

How would you describe yourself so the part could be cast?

Which actress would you like to play you? (Me–Ideally a morph of Meg Ryan with Meryl Streep)

So, do any crazy ideas creep into your head?

As you work with this material, you’re reminding yourself of the things you really go for. The thing is, are you allowing space in your life for these things to flourish right now? Things like whimsy, romance, travel, chic-ness, gourmet food…

Are you remembering what you wanted when you were a kid? Do you remember what it was like to assume that anything was possible? There is wisdom for you in this reflection.

Passion Fruit Writing: Exercise 1, Day 3

  Week One: Discover and define your life themes.

Hello, Everyone!

Isn’t this fun? Before we move on, let’s review what we’ve done so far.

1. List of “Favorite Stories,” organized the way you want, including movies, books, television, other.

2. Your favorite stories and characters from childhood.

3. What themes stand out to  you from these stories?

Your themes could include things like: your family is always there for you, learn who you really are (as in the Ugly Duckling,) true love trumps adversity, ordinary people can do extraordinary things.

3. Another list of “Things I Really Like about These Stories.”

If you like just writing stuff, you may have this material organized in paragraphs, or it may be written in such a way that only you understand it. That is fine. This is only for you, although it makes the project more interesting and valuable when you post a response. Thanks to all you brave souls who have already done so!

So, what’s next?

Look at what you’ve written so far, and answer these questions. You really want to listen to yourself, what bubbles up, rather than search for the “correct” answer. This exercise is all about you.

1. Which characters do you really identify with? (Feel like you really “get” him or her)

2. What are the specific qualities that you find appealing in these characters?

That’s it for now. Easy to do. Later we’ll draw some specific direction from this writing to what’s going on in our lives right now. Enjoy!

Mining the Gold in Your Stories

If you’ve started your list of stories, whether in film, or books, or whatever medium, give yourself a pat on the back. Getting started takes the most energy and you’re already on your way.

Here are some ideas you can play with. It’s better if you don’t think too much about these, write down the first thing that comes to mind.

It’s good to consider what stories appealed to you when you were a kid. When we grow up, we can get so wrapped up in intellectual pursuits, or paying the bills, that we forget to lighten up and play.

Passion Fruit Writing should feel like play. Like in the quote at the beginning of the first exercise, writing should feel like stringing beads, not composing the Declaration of Independence.

When you were 10, or 11, what were your favorite stories and who were your favorite characters?

Are there any stories that fascinate you, but you’re embarrassed to admit it?

Can you remember being really impressed by a new word, the ending of a story or something about a character?

I remember reading Sherlock Holmes in my early teens. I really identified with his disdain for ennui. And “ennui” was the word Arthur Conan Doyle used, so that word stuck to me.

In practice, my avoidance of boredom (which was actually my young concept of following my passion) translated into an eclectic but actually fantastic multidisciplinary series of degrees: BA in Economics and Spanish (I double minored as well,) then an MBA and finally a PhD in Communication.

The thing is, the academic and most of the business community wants you to specialize. “Stick to your knitting” I was told in graduate school. “Declare your specialization,” my adviser pleaded with me.

I went with what I loved in all my studies, but for years (far too many) I felt inferior, a misfit, and certainly not academic enough, because my degrees and interests  covered so much varied territory.

In my first serious job hunt, I can’t tell you how many potential employers asked me what benefit there was to speaking Spanish, as well as English. “If we need to know something in Spanish, we’ll hire a translator!”

But, all that crazy background gives me excess material for writing this blog. It enriches my interactions with clients. In short, it is a key to who I really am. It took me far too long to see that I wasn’t a failed specialist, I was an interesting Renaissance woman, making a unique contribution to the world.

What about you?

Passion Fruit Writing: Exercise 1

Passion Fruit Writing

Rescue and Live Your Dreams

I learned that you should feel when writing, not like Lord Byron on a mountain top, but like a child stringing beads in kindergarten, happy, absorbed and quietly putting one bead on after another. Brenda Ueland

First of all, I have to tell you something. My original text for this lesson was about 12 times the length of what you’re about to read. Coach Meg hinted that perhaps some of you would not have the time for a doctoral-length discussion about writing in your journal. So, I’ve broken it up into bite-sized pieces. Work on today’s assignment, and see what new ideas/insights come to you.

This is a small-group exercise. That means you are to participate by writing some response to the exercise, in addition to what you write for yourself. It is through interacting, even through a blog, that you profit from new perspectives.

I can already hear someone asking, “But, Laura, I don’t feel comfortable sharing my thoughts and insights on someone’s blog.”

The correct answer is, “Get over it already. We’re here to learn, to connect, and to experience insights about our own happiness. Take advantage of the opportunity!”

And one more thing before you begin. You might want to write down what it is you want to know about yourself. I know some of you want insight into lost passions or dreams. Some of you want to stop working so hard. (Amen.) So ask yourself, what would you like to learn from your own writing? That would be your intention for this project.

First step:

Write down your lifetime favorite 5 movies, books and television shows.

You can do a different list each day, or work on them simultaneously. Go on and write a title “My Favorite 5 Stories” and number 1 – 5 for your favorite movies, books and television shows. If you don’t watch TV, you can skip it. If you love poetry, write your top 5 poems.

If you only think of 4 stories, that’s fine. If you want to combine all media formats, that’s also fine. The objective is to find the stories that appeal to you deeply. It is especially valuable if you can remember what stories you loved before you got your career cranking, starting changing diapers, and all the other activities that sometimes feel like a hamster-wheel of activity.

It’s easy.

Now, here are some things you’re going to write about later in the week. These might be discussion questions, if we were meeting in my living room, on my apricot-colored faux suede sofa with big cushions.

• Do you see any commonalities in these stories?
• Describe what it is you love about them.

That’s all for today. Just think about movies and books that you love and write their titles down. Write down anything that comes to mind about these stories. What comes to your mind is what you’re supposed to write.

Happy Groundhog Day. We’re halfway through winter!

Passion Fruit Writing: The Introduction

Your free and fun passion fruit writing workshop starts Tuesday. (You can read more about this dream-rescue project here.)

You want to get ready to really leverage this writing event. It’s an incredible opportunity for you to access your true life force inside you, and get a stronger feeling for your authentic gifts and preferences.

The main thing you want to do is to make sure you stop by Mixonian Tuesday, and every day after that, so you can see what else you can do with the writing exercise and what’s going on with the other people involved. If you want to know when the updates are posted, you can subscribe on the lower right side of this blog.

It’s structured in small bits because I don’t want anyone to get overwhelmed. And on that note, I welcome any suggestions.

You also want to schedule time for this. It’s a small investment of time — and it’s all about you. (Finally!)

This is not only a step-by-step writing strategy, it is also a conversation. The experience for all is made richer by your comments, input, and questions. Please share by writing comments at the bottom. If you prefer to use a pen-name, that is fine, too.

Week One: Discover and define your life themes.

The role of the writer is not to say what we can all say but what we are unable to say. Anais Nin

You may think that before you write, you need to know what to say. That is probably the biggest misconception about writing. Barbara Ueland has it right – it is fun to write down fun and crazy things, like pretending you’ve just had lunch with Julia Cameron and how it went. Or writing a list of 20 things you want to do this year. Or writing down the names you picked out for your future children when you were 9 years old. (I was going to have a son named John Ashley.)

There are all sorts of fun things you can create through writing in your journal – and don’t let the word ”journal” put you off. Any sort of notepad or notebook with work. The act of writing is creative and therapeutic at the same time. At the risk of sounding like a college professor, I’d say writing is generative – it actually gives future life to thoughts and ideas in your mind.

To begin Passion Fruit Writing, you’re going to identify some themes that thread through your life. Remember looking at the themes of novels in your English classes? Finding the layers of meaning in a film? You’re going to locate the themes that fascinate and excite you by looking at your favorite stories, and remember what really attracted you to certain genres, actors, plot lines, and so forth.

Don’t worry, it’s super easy. Check in Tuesday for your first exercise. Enjoy!

New Blog Friend, Edit by Lauren

My ultra fashionable sister introduced me to Edit by Lauren. (She also introduced me to The Satorialist.) While I continue to enjoy The Satorialist and am pleased with his success, I think my awesome readers and clients can benefit even more from Lauren’s fashion suggestions. Looking the part is so important. I hope you enjoy Edit by Lauren as much as I do.