A Poet’s Words on Wealth

I’m working on one of my writing projects and I just ran across this wonderful quote from the poet Rainer Maria Rilke:

If your everyday life seems poor, don’t

blame it; blame yourself; admit to

yourself that you are not enough of a poet

to call forth its riches; because for the

creator there is no poverty and no poor

indifferent place.

My response: WOW. I knew those poets were on to something!

Exercise Builds Your Confidence

You already know exercise is good for your body and stress level. Exercise also builds your confidence.

Confidence is indispensable to winning clients, friends, and even getting along with your in-laws.

Exercise also brings you your best new ideas.

I’m bringing this up because I know it’s so hard to get exercise during this time of year: the holiday madness, the darkness, the cold, the colds.

A little exercise is better than none.

Commit to 5 minutes and maybe you’ll stick around for 15 minutes.

I wrote more about this in The 7 Habits of Highly Confident People. You can read it here.

Just a gentle reminder: incorporate exercise into your routine.

Communication Choices to Enjoy More Time

Okay, the first thing is that you have to want more time. In other words, this post will help you if you’re clear that you do want more time available for self care, a new project, or whatever.

1. Choose the times you’re going to do email.

Choose how much time, and how many times a day you will check and answer e-mail.

If you answer each message right away, you’re training everyone to expect and IMMEDIATE response each and every time they contact you. If you want to feel that extra stress, go for it. If you want to revalue yourself at a  higher level, you decide when and how much time you will dedicate to email.

It’s a matter of responding, not reacting.

2.  Respond to emails with Plan A and Plan B.

Avoid open-ended questions if possible. What you want to express is something like, If you prefer option A then do this, if you prefer option B, then do this other thing. Think it out in advance. Again, your clarity will help others take more effective action without dilly-dallying.

3. Batch phone calls. The ones you make AND the ones you receive. (Leverage voice mail.)

Just because the phone is ringing doesn’t mean you have to answer it. That’s why voice mail was invented.

Leave a voice mail that says that you usually answer calls between 2 and 4 each afternoon. Give them an option (phone number) if it really is an emergency.

Decide when and how much time you will deal with phone calls. Respond, don’t react.

4. Let people know you have other things to do.

If someone does call you and it is during your designated phone time, say something that lets them know you’re swamped. Encourage them to get to the point. I can promise you when people get through to Donald Trump they get to their point right away.

If you think about it, you can devise your own strategy for dealing with work communication in less time. If you look, you will see ways. You are not there to entertain people who are not clear.

What Clarity and Confidence Have to Do with Wealth

You may have read my article that Christine Kane published last week. (If not, it’s here.) It seems to have resonated with many of you.

As you may have figured out by now, I love to write. And writing this article was unexpectedly challenging. I went over it word by word with Christine, because I felt so….well, insecure. Remember I TEACH writing, and yet I was nervous.  (Like “are these people gonna see me as greedy?”)

Wealth is a loaded term. That’s why it’s not considered a topic for polite conversation. Especially for women.

The thing is, it’s truly not about the Ben Franklins, baby.

Apparently a lot of you are, like me, creating a better relationship with money. Not that we’re dumpster diving to feed ourselves, but hey, why not create wealth?

Why not create abundance, health and be happy?

Here are five transformational lessons I learned this year about money.

1. It’s not how much money you have, or don’t have. It’s is all about your feelings to the money you do have.

Learning that some people (actually A LOT)  have large sums of money in their bank accounts and are actually as poverty-stricken as the hungry of Calcutta, was a HUGE breakthrough for me. That made me see how it’s not the quantity of dollar signs, it’s the relationship with the world.

2. Learning number one helped me appreciate the immense power of gratitude. That was the theme of last month’s newsletter so I won’t repeat it. But if you think about it, being grateful puts you in the present moment and more able to discern opportunities that are sitting under your nose at this very minute. Gratefulness also relaxes you.

3. Creating wealth is a process, not an event. Winning the lottery is an event. Most lottery winners end up broke within a few years after their wind fall. The same thing happens to many athletes after their stellar careers end. More evidence: it’s not the Ben Franklins, it’s the relationship.

The first step in this process is to set the intention to experience wealth. Let that sink in for a while.

4. The next step is to get behind why you desire wealth. What do you think wealth will bring you? Wealth is not happiness. So why do you want to create wealth?

Here are three of my reasons:

* I see it as a fun and creative project in which I can grow my talents and make a significant contribution.

* I want to be relaxed about money. Following my divorce, I experienced severe anxiety about how I was going to take care of myself. Today I am relaxed about money; I know I can take care of myself. I’m still in the process of discerning the difference between stinginess and prudence with money, but I’m so much better than before!

The KEY to this is investing in yourself. Until you are willing to put some skin in the game, there is no game. In other words, your intention remains mind chatter until you take action.

*I want to experience more nice clothes, trips, and goodies. But I’m already doing that.

You’ve probably come across a child who has so many toys she doesn’t even know what she has. Those kids are so hard to buy for, you feel like whatever you give them, it’s not enough. Usually, those children are not happy campers. The same thing applies to us. It’s not a good idea to get everything you want at once.

5. You gotta educate yourself about wealth. I have an MBA and most of what I learned way back about creating wealth is obsolete. The best starting place I can recommend is any book by Robert Kiyosaki.

Wealth has been defined as the ability to fully experience life. What do you want to experience?

Why the Lone Ranger Wears a Mask

There are two reasons why the Lone Ranger wears a mask. You’ve been wondering, right?

Reason #1

It makes for great visual imagery for television. Whenever you want to make a big visual impact, wear an eye mask. Black makes for a dramatic look, you could also use a flaming red, or a soft dove gray. You don’t have to worry about eye make-up as long as your mask stays on.

Reason #2

The ranger has something to hide.

You see, he’s addicted to all the praise he gets for rescuing people. The other part of the secret is that he’s burning himself out, feeling resentful and angry. He can explode or implode any minute…off camera of course. His addiction to being the hero keeps him from asking for help, or including other people in his preparations.

I know lot’s of lone rangers. They criticize their husbands when these hapless men try to help out in the house. Somehow most men aren’t very good at reading the minds of their wives, nor in grout cleaning. Still, they are willing and able to help you, if properly instructed.

Same goes for getting the children to help. When my kids were little, my mother warned me that their ability to help would improve with time, while their disposition to help would decrease.

That is so true. But even a surly teenager prefers to help out rather than face mom-as-ogress. A teenager also prefers to help rather than lose her cell phone or access to the computer.The thing is, all helpers need training.

The lone ranger is also a hero at work. He is the one EVERYONE can count on. He’s trained the whole office that he will stay late, come in early, pick up other people’s slack, whatever it takes to get the job done! And as a special bonus, the lone ranger is not too demanding about his compensation. He knows how lucky he is to have a job.

I see the bodies or any number of lone rangers around me. December is a tough month for everyone. Ask for help.

Even the Lone Ranger had Tonto.

10 Tactics for a Bodacious 2010

1. Write down 10 goals for the year (or more.) Put a star by one of these as your 1 most bodacious 2010 home run. Look at these goals everyday. When you plan your week, make sure you’re including steps to make that goal a reality.

2. Write down 2 ways to nurture yourself better. Eating better, less texting, going to bed early one night a week, writing in your journal, listening to your heart. You decide.

3. Write down 3 things to drop. Could be a committee meeting, 3 boxes of clothes, eating brownies for breakfast (except on special occasions) or checking email in the evenings. You decide.

4. Write down 4 super foods you’re going to eat more of in 2010. My latest fave is edamame falafel from Caviar & Bananas. YUM!

5. Write down the names of 5 people with whom you want to build your relationship.

6. Write down 6 new habits to adopt and start only one at a time, every other month. Suggestions: listening to audio books on the way to work, signing up for a workshop (like Real Life Clarity 101,) a Pilates class, 15 minutes of daily silence, drinking soy milk, writing notes of appreciation. You decide.

7. Make 7 appointments for next year. Get ahead of the game and make appointments for hair, nails, massage, dentist, eye doctor.

8. Write down 8 affirmations about your ideal self. Two of my personal favorites: People love to give me money (from Chellie Campbell) and I’m always in the right place at the right time with the right information (from Stuart Wilde). I have a wild story on that second affirmation from this past Sunday….will tell you about it later.

9. Get recommendations of 9 books to read next year. I’ll probably post some suggestions later this week but if you have some to recommend, please share with Mixonians! Listening to audio books counts.

10. What are your 10 achievements from 2009 that make you smile? Write them down.

Real Life Clarity 101 For You

Real Life Clarity 101, the e-course, might be for you if you if you’re contemplating your next step in life. If you are perhaps overwhelmed, or feeling like you’d like a change in your life but you’re not sure how to go about it. Or if you’re facing a major decision. All of these played a key role in my getting started on this path to what I consider authentic success….a life of my design, on my terms. This e-course is all about clarity to know what you really want and confidence to go for it.

That whole process is what I put in the ongoing Choose Clarity + Confidence e-course. I decided to re-offer it in January with new material added. It’s a great way to get through those winter doldrums on an upbeat: with clarity to know what you really want and confidence to pursue it.

This is what Real Life Clarity 101 offers you:

• Know what you really want versus what you’re supposed to want.
• Create space for the new experiences you want.
• Be confident in your decisions, actions, and attitudes.
• Have more time for yourself and your special priorities.
• Learn to truly value and take optimal care of yourself.
• Recognize and break out of patterns that are holding you back.
• Make better decisions faster!
• Build rituals that serve you.

 I had so much fun putting this e-course together and I did it with one purpose: to share what I’ve learned to help other women be clear and confident. This is not a “get rich quick” or “have all the answers by tomorrow” e-course. I’m simply going through the process with you of defining what authentic success is for you, clearing out stuff that’s holding you back, and creating tools to help you get what you truly want. 

The thing is, it’s hard to recognize how you’re limiting yourself without compassionate and objective feedback. My own mentors have shown me that I am much more powerful than I ever really imagined. One enormous breakthrough my coach showed me was the cold realization that I was addicted to making things harder than they had to be! In other words, I was holding myself back. That is true more often than you think.

This e-course is for smart women who are doing fine, but you know inside you that there is potential for so much more to experience. It took a shocking, painful separation from my husband over 4 years ago, that led to an unwanted divorce, to shake me out of my own comfort zone and become a more powerful and happier person. The results have been phenomenal: I have become the confident, self-reliant person I always wanted to be. I no longer feel like the victim of circumstances.

Here’s how Real Life Clarity 101 is structured:

• An interactive e-mail workshop January 18 through February 19, 2010.
• You get to do the process on your own schedule, from your home or office.
• 5 weeks of daily insights delivered to you.
• Flexible weekly assignments to turn in for compassionate and objective feedback.
• Guidelines for you to make tiny changes that cause huge impact.
• A chance to focus and reflect on what’s really going on in your life.
• Opportunity to sift through your priorities to determine what’s really important to you.
• Support in identifying and letting go of energy drains.
• Communicate more clearly and confidently.
• Support material for your continued success after the e-course.
• 100% money-back guarantee for first 10 days of the e-course – no questions asked!

For additional information and registration details, send an email with your name and “clarity” in the subject line to mixonian@gmail.com

Because of my time limits, participation in the e-course is limited to a handful. I really enjoy the one-on-one coaching through email so applicants are accepted on a first-come basis. Early-bird price cut available.

Listen to Yourself for the Big Answers

You most likely associate Descartes with Cogito ergo sum (although I’ve read he expressed that in French, not Latin,) or the “I think therefore I am.” A most influential person on our thinking and especially our educational system.

It’s gotten to the point where too many of us operate like Descartes on steroids.

That’s especially true for those of us who excelled in school. We are so good at figuring out the right answer.

That works pretty well with a lot of questions, but not the most important ones.

It fails us when we ask ourselves something like, what I am supposed to do with my life next?

The big questions invited us to learning the skill and the art of listening to ourselves. The answers to so many questions are not in books, or blog posts (hate to admit it!) neither are these answers in the teacher’s key. Other people usually can’t answer those for us, although compassionate and objective feedback can give you clues.

This has taken me forever to learn. I want everything to be like the multiple choice questions where the right answer would usually just be so obvious.

There is one anecdote I heard in church, of all places, that helped me understand that somethings are figured out without thinking.

The story is about how the disciples picked out a replacement disciple for Judas after his suicide. Do you know how they made this important decision? They drew straws!!!!

How unscientific is that?

I know that was a long time ago, but it worked for them.

I’m not saying you can answer the big questions by drawing straws, but I am saying that those answers are not found in the usual brainiac places.

Those answers emerge at the perfect time…if you’re open to listening.

This is how it worked in my own life this year. I wanted to move to a bigger city that was closer to my family. I had 4 destinations that were the runners up: Miami (love the Latin flavor and the weather;) Savannah (beautiful and my cousin lives there;) Atlanta (family is there;) and Charleston (just because.) I applied to jobs in all the places except Charleston. That city was really my wild card because I didn’t know anyone there. It just sounded so nice and I have wonderful childhood memories of vacations spent there.

Well….where did I end up? In my wild-card choice. I was cleaning out my email on July 29, and noticed a strange ad for a teaching position when everyone knows teaching positions are not posted 2 weeks before school starts.

We’ve been here nearly 4 months and it feels great.

So for those big questions on your mind. Stop thinking about them by immersing yourself in a creative project. Bake a cake or start an inside herb garden. The answers will appear when you least expect them.

Get More Sleep!

For those of you who don’t know, those pictures are of Prince, our nap coach. He is an amazing sleeper. These pictures were taken on his yacht. (Well, so it was my cousin’s boat, Prince thinks it’s his yacht.)

If I could, I would literally put all my clients, readers and students in their beds tonight by 9. They are all sleep deprived!

Reader Rita recently sent me an email about the health dangers of sleep deprivation and coach Christine included this topic in a recent seminar on health. I’ve even heard 3 student presentations about what insufficient sleep does to you (not pretty!)

The brain of a drunk person works better than the brain of a sleep-deprived person.

Sleep is when your body repairs itself. Not getting enough sleep means your body doesn’t have the resources to renew itself.

That’s a diplomatic way of saying that not getting enough rest makes you look older.

Your brain processes information in your dreams. If you could remember your dreams, you might gain incredible insight. Overtired people seldom remember dreaming anything.

The metabolism of overtired people doesn’t work properly. So, if you sleep more, you can eat more without gaining weight.

Convinced?

Sleep is fun, sleep is free. It’s makes you stronger, healthier, smarter and better looking. What else could you ask for? Go to bed early tonight!

Intro to Good Self Care 101

At one point, you may have had the idea that self-care was a selfish thing do to.

You might be like a lot of my clients, and like I used to be, wondering what the heck this “extreme self-care” business was all about. Certainly not something for busy folks like yours truly.

And then I burned out….to a nice crisp. That was in 2004-05.

Now I understand it much better. What happens to those of us who-get-things-done, those nothing-is-too-much-for-me types is that we function so well under duress, and we don’t feel anything amiss.

I’m told that’s what leprosy is/was like. You lose your sense of touch in a limb that has leprosy. So your toe can be on fire and you feel nothing.

Not to compare modern stress to leprosy, but there are commonalities. (I hope “commonalities” doesn’t sound too academic.)

You may not feel like anything is wrong, yet from time to time you sense that something is not right with you, but you don’t know what it is. At times, your body tries to tell you something.

Have you had those crazy busy days when at some point you feel this discomfort in your stomach and you don’t know why? Until you remember that you’ve needed to visit the bathroom for at least 2 hours but you haven’t had time to.

What is needed is a shift of awareness. Self-carelessness is thinking what’s the minimum amount of sleep, nutrition, beauty visits, and so forth that you need to get by. You can get by for a long time living like this. And you can convince yourself that it’s necessary because you don’t have the resources to take care of yourself.

Self-care 101 is thinking how can I live so I can be at my best for the longest amount of time.

Which kind person eventually makes the greatest contribution?

One more story to make my case. Some of you know that I’m a big fan of Mother Teresa of Calcutta. I’ve read many books about her. Well, she was kinda like you and me at one point.

When she was just beginning her order, what she called the “call within the call,” to serve the poorest of the poor, she was determined that she and the nuns who worked with her would eat exactly what the poor people in the neighborhood ate. That way the nuns would really be able to empathize with the people they were serving.

Then she got sick. Her medical doctor informed her that if she wanted to make any real contribution, she would have to take care of herself.

Self care is not about selfishness.