Find What You Seek

One of the most interesting studies I read during my six-year stint in graduate school was a basic study in psychology done decades ago. It had to do with people seeing what they want to see, regardless of the actual reality.

The psychologists had a special deck of cards made. The cards were oversized, and they reversed the colors of two of the suites. Hearts were black, and spades were red.

So, when the tester would hold up a card with 5 red spades on it. The participant recorded it as 5 hearts. And when the tester would show an Ace of black hearts, the participant would record it as the Ace of Spades. True to the norms of social science, the tests were repeated until they could confidently assert that the participants saw what they expected to see, not what they actually saw.

Similarly, Dr. Robert Wiseman, author of The Luck Factor, has performed numerous tests on the construct of luckiness. He separated the participants into self-identified lucky and unlucky people.

In asking the participants to count the number of photographs in a newspaper, which was printed with clues like signs that read “this page has 23 photographs on it,” the self-described lucky people consistently and significantly outperformed the others.

What you see today has a lot to do with what you expect to see.

The Difference between Fear and an Intuitive Warning

You are really going to appreciate this message. I was so excited to finally find real insight into a question that’s been bothering me for YEARS. That is, knowing the difference between fear of doing something, and a warning from your intuition that says “don’t go there or you’ll be sorry.”

You know your intuition is reliable. But fears sometimes muddy the message. Because of this confusion, sometimes we don’t follow our intuition when we should, and go on and do something that doesn’t work out, or regret not doing something. Fortunately, you can always turn your ship around.

Lynn Robinson has an interesting job. She’s an intuition coach. One of her many books out is called, Trust Your Gut, and I found it insightful and interesting. But, best of all, she addresses directly the fear vs. intuition question.

Here is a summary of what she wrote, together with my take on this. First of all, Robinson writes that it really can be difficult to know the one from the other.

1. Some anxiety is normal — especially any time you’re making a big decision or change in your life. So, some fear can be normal, but if you’re feeling panic, back off.

2. Take baby steps. Starting off with small moves can clarify your direction. Robinson suggests taking a class, speaking with a colleague, or reading a book related to your situation.

3. Consider the timing. If the decision feels like a “definitely maybe,” perhaps a delay is what you need. I really liked this from her, When I push the envelope and try to force things to happen, I find I’ve stepped out of the flow and ease that usually characterize intuitively inspired decisions and action (158).

4. Revisit your goal. Think about what you really want to gain from this situation; maybe there’s an alternative route to the desired outcome. Rushing things without feeling inspired is probably not the way you want to go.

5. Review your options. When it comes down to it, there are limited ways to continue. Go over this list and see which option feels best for you.

– quit

– persevere

– alter your course

– put the project on hold for a period of time

– try something new

– ask for advice from someone who has been successful in a similar endeavor

– work on the project part-time

– discuss the situation with others who may be involved

In my work with teaching and coaching, I see clearly how confidence converts into making better decisions. Now you have an additional resource to get you closer to your ideal life.